Happy Birthday?
by blueberrymuffinsandtea
Summary: Rima is forced to give Nagi a birthday present, but what does she end up giving him? Birthday fic for Nagi! Rated T for insults, RIMAHIKO, but sadly no fluff. Still, it's Rimahiko. ONESHOT.


**Bree: Yay. Freaking finally, I write this crap.**

**Anna: And did you pick this day on purpose?**

**Bree: Duh~! **

**Rima: What's so special about today?**

**Bree: IT'S NAGI'S BIRTHDAY :D**

**Nagi: ...**

**Bree: -birthday glomp-**

**Rima: I didn't get anything for my birthday!**

**Bree: 'Cause you aren't as awesome, nor my SOA.**

**Rima: SOA?**

**Nagi: O_O**

**Bree: Uh... Um... **

**Nagi: Bree owns nothing, let's just get this fic out of the way.**

**Bree: Please enjoy. 'Cause we all love Nagi :D**

**~o-o-o-o-o~**

Rima growled, as menacingly as only a chibi-blonde dwarf could. She had an open notebook in front of her, and was clutching a pen in her hand. She stared at the notebook page, which had 'Birthday Present For That-Creepy-Purple-Haired-Freak' written on the top of it.

She wasn't used to thinking, considering her fanboys did everything for her. But she did chew her food by herself, but that didn't exactly take any thinking. Not like thinking, which surprisingly had a lot of thinking involved.

Another thing that didn't involve thinking was torturing a certain purple haired cross-dresser. It just came naturally.

But being nice to him... That had the possibility of death. A very slow, painful one. Which is something she had said the crossdresser deserved. But not her.

"So Rima~? What are you gunna get Nagi?" her chara asked her, giggling.

"If I knew, this notebook would not be blank, now would it?" Rima snapped, causing her chara to giggle even more.

"Oh! How about a bra!" Rima asked herself, jotting it down. "Or, a tampon! Or is he the pad type of guy?" she wondered.

"You could be nice to him for a day!" Kusu Kusu suggested.

"Don't be silly! That would kill me! I'm sure that freak hates me, but would he want my dead body for his birthday?" she responded, and then wrote 'dead body' on the paper.

All this is Amu's fault, Rima told herself. If Amu hadn't been planning a surprise party for that purple haired girly boy, she wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

In fact, she hadn't even been planning of giving him a present, although she was aware of the fact that the guardians were planning a party.

*Flashback*

"But he didn't give me anything!" Rima whined to her best friend.

"Yeah, but he did do most of the setting up with your party. You didn't even blow up a balloon for his! A balloon!" Amu said, exasperated as she face palmed. "So, the least you could do is give him something."

"I don't wanna! He'll probably have enough crap from his fangirls."

"Yeah, but you are his SOA, so that would be different."

"SOA?" Rima asked, confused at Amu's explanation.

"Um... Symbol of anxiety? 'Cause you torture him so much, that he has anxiety... and you represent it?" Amu stated, making that up on the spot.

"Oh! Really?" Rima gasped, very happy that she had ruined his life so much.

"Uh, yeah." Amu confirmed.

"Oh~ How should I torture him further-" Rima began to ask herself but was cut off by the pinkette in front of her.

"Just get him a present, okay?" Amu sighed, closing her golden eyes.

*End of Flashback*

Amu you meanie-poopy-head, Rima thought bitterly.

"What does a girl give a guy for his birthday?" Rima screamed, banging her head on her desk.

"Ice cream?" Kusu Kusu suggested.

"No... I don't want him to enjoy his birthday, or anything." Rima muttered, rolling her golden eyes. "Besides. There'll be ice cream at the party."

"A puppy?"

"Denied."

"A pimp hobo?"

"Why the heck does that crossdresser need a pimp hobo? He already has a pet cricket. Lucky bish, has awesome things." Rima mumbled sadly.

"A pie?"

"Can it be poisoned?" Rima questioned her chara hopefully.

"I don't think he would like that very much." giggled Kusu Kusu.

"Yeah, yeah. And it's his birthday, so he can be freaking king for a day. But you know that he'll always be a princess by dawn. No matter how much he tries to hide the fact." Rima smirked.

"A promise to keep his secret?"

"He already has that." Rima groaned.

"A coupon to a hair stylist?" Kusu Kusu asked, tired of Rima putting down all of her suggestions.

"What for? I was going to cut his hair off in his sleep on our class trip anyways." Rima laughed evilly.

"A book?" Kusu Kusu tried.

"Oh, that would work! He's a nerd, right?" Rima asked herself, writing down 'book'. "Any more ideas?" she directed this question to her chara.

"Maybe you should try Google."

"Nah. Google is old. Besides, I get answers from creepers."

"You haven't tried Google, have you Rima?" Kusu Kusu guessed.

"No." Rima admitted, as she pulled out her laptop and turned it on. As soon as it finished loading, she went to google.

'Good presents for crossdressers' she typed in.

A lot of the search answers came up with advertisments for stuff, that apparently appealed to crossdressers.

'Good presents for people' she tried. She was pretty sure that Nagihiko was a people.

She skimmed the results, but none satisfied her. He wasn't in the military or the hospital. Rima was pretty sure that Nagihiko wasn't pregnant, and he didn't hate everything. He liked crossdressing, and acting frilly, didn't he?

"Oh! Kusu Kusu! Alas, I cannot think of anything to get that girly boy! Where can I go to get him something?" she asked her chara very dramatically.

"Hey! Rima~ I'm going to the store, do you want to come with your mommy?" Rima's mom shouted from downstairs.

"Yes!" Rima answered, hoping to find at least something on clearance that she could give what's his face.

~o-o-o-o-o~

Rima was pretty sure she had searched the whole store, looking for things to give icky people like Nagay.

She walked along, bored, and in search of something impossible to find.

This mission just was impossible, and couldn't be completed, she decided, ready to give up... when suddenly out of nowhere, she saw something shiny in the far corner of the store. And right beside the shiny thing, it said 'BIRTHDAY CARDS' in neon letters.

Birthday cards? Birthday cards? Seriously, birthday cards? How freaking ingenious! Rima thought, running to that blessed section that saved her butt from Amu's wrath.

And it didn't take long to find the perfect card, although it would need some editing, Rima decided, as she pulled the money out of her pocket and paid for the card.

~o-o-o-o-o-o-o~

"Hey, Nagayhiko." Rima called, coming out of virtually nowhere and in front of Nagihiko.

He looked startled and brushed some of his purple hair out of his eyes.

"Y-yes, Rima-chan?" He asked, nervously. She never acknowldged him unless she was up to something.

"Today is your birthday, right?" she asked, coldly.

"Yes." he answered.

"Here." she said, as she trusted something into his arms. "Have a horrible birthday, you freak." she told him, as she began to walk away.

Nagihiko looked at the object in his hands in surprise, that he actually received something from the ice queen.

He saw that the certain object was a card.

On the cover there was a guy, who was getting beaten up by a girl.

The guy had long purple, sharpie-drawn on hair, and the girl had sharpie-drawn on blonde curls.

A text bubble came from the girl, and had 'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!' written inside it.

Written on the card cover, in multi-colored text, it read "Happy Birthday?"

He opened up the card, and read it through.

The original message had been:

_I say I hate you._

_I torture you, without mercy._

_I pull your hair, and kick your shins._

_I call you names, and bad words._

_I tell you to go die and rot in a hole._

_But the truth is..._

_I love you._

_Happy Birthday!_

Nagihiko noticed that Rima had gotten a pen and edited the message. Which was:

_I say I hate you, 'cause I really do._

_I torture you, without mercy, 'cause it's fun._

_I pull your hair, and kick your shins, 'cause your screams are music to my ears._

_I call you names, and bad words, 'cause it's what I really think of you._

_I tell you to go die and rot in a hole, but you never do :(_

_But the truth is..._

_I hope something eats you._

_Have I made you regret your birthday, yet?_

_Sincerely, your SOA, Rima }:D_

**~o-o-o-o-o~**

**Anna: That was okay.**

**Bree: 'Cause there was no fluff.**

**Anna: Exactly. And FYI: Not EVERYONE loves Nagi...**

**Bree: Yeah, well I do! -glomps Nagi-**

**Nagi: -frozen in horror-**

**Rima: Haha. I got him something for his birthday! You didn't!**

**Bree: I wrote this for him, so STFU.**

**Anna: Nerd.**

**Bree: Bleh... Special thanks to Anna (garr) for proofing this, and for helping me-ish with writing this. And Goose for helping!**

**Anna: This sucky fic?**

**Bree: You just said it was sucky.**

**Anna: It's only sucky because it's for Nagi.**

**Bree: -eyeroll- Reviews are welcome, but flames are not!**

**~Happy Birthday Nagi!~**


End file.
